The Waiting Place.

This is my life right now, as best explained by Dr. Seuss.

"You can get so confused
that you'll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles cross weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place...

...for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or the waiting around for a Yes or No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for the wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting."

As I was reading Oh the Places You'll Go, I realized that that's all I've been doing lately: waiting for the next big thing, or for something exciting to happen to me. I'm stuck in the waiting place. But...

NO!
That's not for you!

Somehow you'll escape
all that waiting and staying
You'll find the bright places
where Boom Bands are playing.

With banner flip-flapping,
once more you'll ride high!
Ready for anything under the sky.
Ready because you're that kind of a guy!

I'm hoping to soon find those bright places and maybe even see some boom bands. Sounds exciting.

Well said.

A Facebook friend posted this link the other day, and I knew I had to share it too. It perfectly embodies my thoughts from my previous trips to Africa. I think it's time for us all to wake up, myself included.

Wave a flag. It's June 30th.

Last night I had a great 30th of June celebration. What's that, you might ask? It's kinda like the 4th of July, just not on July 4th. So clever, right? Well, it was wonderful. We started off by beating the heat with a water balloon tossing competition, during which I got completely soaked. Enough food to feed an army was then made (what better way to celebrate 'murica than with lots of food?). We listened to Jonny Cash and other American classics. We danced with sparklers and then illegally put on our own little fireworks show in the backyard. Ironically, a firetruck with it's sirens drove down our street at that exact time, and we were convinced it was for us and we'd been caught. It wasn't, and so we continued lighting boxes from China with names like Golden Fountain and Rain Dance. We ended the night with the best apple cobbler you'll ever taste, topped with vanilla ice cream. I'm feeling rather patriotic after a night like last night. Let's make every day the 4th of July.

If you read this whole thing, give yourself a pat on the back.

I'm almost 19 years old, yet it was only yesterday that I FINALLY passed my driver's test to become a licensed driver in the state of California. It has not been an easy road to get here. Most normal Americans get their license the second they turn 16, but unfortunately, I'm not normal. Here's the long process of why it took me until June 3rd, 2013 to do what should have happened October 2nd, 2010.

a) I lived in Germany until I was 17. In Germany you can't get a license until you are 18, and even when you are 18, most people don't do it because it costs thousands of dollars (hence why Germans are such fantastic drivers). I would sometimes practice driving my parent's car in German parking lots though, but all that taught me was how to go about 15 mph in circles. Super helpful.

b) When I moved back to the States I was about 4 months shy of turning 18. When you're under 18, you have to spend about $300 on driving lessons before you're allowed to even get a permit (not sure if that's just a CA thing or if it's everywhere). So I decided it was smarter just to save the money and wait until I turned 18.

c) Was finally 18, and came home for thanksgiving break and passed the permit test with flying colors. I started driving everywhere, and only almost killed my family three times. Ok, maybe four.

d) I Kept putting off getting my actual license because once I got I a license and not just a permit, I would not longer be insured for free. And who wants to pay for insurance?!? Not me. First I was going to get my license over Christmas break, then Spring break, but finally just decided summer would be fine.

e) Scheduled an appointment for 2 weeks after I got home from college, and was positive I would pass. I didn't even question it. Like who doesn't pass their driving test??

f) Um me. That's who.

g) It was stupid, and the lady wasn't even slightly nice to me about failing. Apparently I turned a little bit into a bike lane when I was making a right turn. Everyone does it, so I didn't even know that was illegal. Well. Now I do.

h) All of the DMV's near us were fully booked for driving appointments for the next century. I was so frustrated and their website wasn't working to schedule anything. Finally my mom was able to call someone at the DMV and get me an appointment for the next week.

i) I failed. Again. I don't even want to go into the reason, because it's kinda hard to explain, and it was such a silly mistake that I never would have made in real life. I guess the nerves of the test made me lose focus. Actually, I'd like to blame it on the 400 pound man giving me the test. With the seat pushed all the way back and leaned all the way back he could still barely get his seatbelt on and could barely shut the door. It was awkward. I just pretended like I didn't notice, but I obviously did. He was struggling big time. So that is why I failed. Fat man distracted me.

j) Made YET ANOTHER appointment. Since we only have one car, and my mom already had plans to be gone with it for a few days during which I had to take my test, we arranged to borrow my sister's car that day. It was such an ordeal too, because my dad had to bike out to my sister's house and get the car the night before and then my sister and her husband had to share their other car for work that day. The pressure was on for me to pass this time because everyone had to go out of their way for me to be able to take this test. I knew I just had to pass this time though. Third time's a charm, right??

k) Apparently whoever came up with that stupid saying was on crack, because no, the third time is never a charm. I failed before even getting out of the parking lot. That takes skill. It wasn't my fault, and technically not considered a fail, but I consider any time having to go to the DMV and leave without a license a fail. What happened was that before every test, they check your car to make sure basic things like blinkers and brakes are working. Well, guess who's brake lights weren't working. Yep, mine. BOTH OF THEM. Who has 2 brake lights out at once?? So I wasn't even allowed to take the test. My sister felt so bad since it was her car, but it was fine. I mean, if it all wasn't so frustrating, it'd almost be funny.

l) Another appointment was scheduled and I was the opposite of confident about it. All I'd known so far was FAIL, FAIL, FAIL, so why would this time be any different? He did the car inspection, and guess what? One of my brake lights was out. I had a mini heart attack when he told me that. Thankfully, you can still take your test if one is out, just not if both are. The guy giving me the test was SO friendly though, and basically just talked to me the whole time about my life, which settled my nerves a lot. About 2 minutes into the test, he asked me to pull over. I was positive I had just made some unforgivable error, and I was yet again a failure. He just wanted me to show him that I could back up straight along a curve. I backed that car up like nobody's business. We continued with the rest of the test and...

m) I PASSED. I couldn't believe it. He said the only thing I really did wrong was that I was going too slow a lot of the time. Oops. I guess I was being overly careful.

So there ya have it. Moral(s) of the story:
1. The DMV sucks. Avoid it at all costs.
2. Be persistent when you face failure and disappointment. You can't fail forever.

Unless you're trying to get a date with Ryan Gosling. Then yes, you will probably fail forever. Give up now.

Ein Jahr.

A year has passed since the most bittersweet day of my life. A day where I, along with 59 of my closest friends, no...more like family, put on that famous cap and gown and bid farewell to BFA and said hello to 60 different adventures stretched across the world. I often have thought back to that day with tears in my eyes, missing all those who turned their tassel along with me.  

When I stood on that stage a year ago, I never could have even begun to guess what the next 365 days would hold for me. I couldn't imagine the people I'd come to love, the new places that would soon feel like home, the wisdom I'd learn from living independently, and the ways God would show himself to me time and time again. It's exciting to think about how much a year can hold. I hope with all my heart that the other 59 of you have similarly experienced how greatly God provides, no matter where in the world this last year has taken you.  

It is hard though to acknowledge that now it has been over a year since the BFA part of my life ended, but as C.S. Lewis said, "there are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind." What we left behind on June 2nd 2012 was pretty great, but I know that what is ahead has the amazing ability to be far better than anything I'd ever expect.  

Here's to Jahr Zwei nach BFA. May it exceed your current expectations that you have for it. Jahr ein definitely did. 

A Good Summer Read.

Summer is a great time for reading. During the school year, everything I read is for a class or for other educational purposes. So I get to the end of the school year and I've convinced myself I hate reading. It only takes one book though to remind myself that I do in fact love curling up on the couch or out in the sunshine with a great book.
I started off the summer reading The Next Best Thing by Jennifer Weiner. It was predictable, repetitive and quite frankly, boring. But I finished it, because I hate leaving a book unfinished. I always give a book the benefit of the doubt that it will somehow redeem itself in the last chapter.
The second book I chose to read, and just finished today, was Still LoLo, a true story written by a girl who lost her hand and one eye when she walked into a plane's spinning propeller. It's a story of redemption and God's grace written from not only her perspective, but her families' as well. It's a quick read (I think I finished in only 3 days), but I'd give it an A+.
Now I need a new book to get me through these next few weeks before work starts. Any suggestions?

This one's for you girl.

There's a girl named Katja. 
I miss her lots and lots-ja!
She goes to Mary-Hardin Baylor.
So far away from me and Taylor. :(
This makes me so sad
Because I miss her so bad.
We've been around the world together,
In Italy we bought bracelets of leather.
At her home we always drank tea.
In mugs made by her and me.
I'm writing this poem to tell her I miss her.
I think she should transfer.
But, fo realz, she should come visit me.
That would make me go WHOOPEE.

Here's a few pictures of her and I.
Looking at them makes me want to cry.

If lost, please return to this address.

So yesterday I did something kinda crazy. I got a tattoo. Yes, a real, forever on my body tattoo. I've been thinking about it since about October of last year, but in no way was I planning on getting it yesterday. It just kinda happened.
The tattoo I got is a tribute to my home. I lived in Germany from the age of 10 to HS graduation, and that place along with the experiences I had there, influenced my life immensely. There's no words that can truly explain how big of a hole was left in my heart when I drove away from Kandern and BFA last summer. I love that place, and while I know this tattoo isn't going to suddenly take away the sadness I have from leaving, it's just a nice little way to carry it with me wherever in this world I go.

Whales.

Yesterday was magical. I woke up before the sun, and joined friends and strangers on a bus and then a boat towards Catalina island. We kayaked among seals, snorkeled among jellyfish and other beautiful creatures, laid out in the sun, hopped back on the boat where we saw 2 whales and dolphins up who all swam right up next to us! Then back to Riverside for some much needed sleep. I wish everyday could be like yesterday.

This is the Type of whales we saw. Fin Whales: 2nd largest animal in the world.

Madness

It's March 21. The first day of Spring. It's also the first day of March Madness. This is the first year I have ever really been excited for MM, but it's not because I've suddenly started following college basketball. No way. Ain't nobody got time for that.

The real reason I'm excited about it, is that I made a bracket for the first time ever on ESPN. (I was inspired to do so by my wonderful friend Tay.) I'm not going to lie, I guessed on every win and loss, but who knows, maybe I'll be lucky. 

So even if you know nothing about college basketball, go make a bracket. It's fun. It's like a sinless form of gambling. ;)

Added bonus: you get to watch this guy, Cody Zeller, showing off his skills on the court.  (Tay and Katja, is it just me, or does he kinda look like master plaster?) 

Keramik

I've recently started missing ceramics. In high school I took ceramics 1, 2 &3 and even though I'm not the most creative or 'artsy' person, I fell in love. Throwing a mug or a bowl on the wheel is one of the best feelings. The wet clay between your fingers, the rough scratch of the grit exfoliating your hands and that moment when your lopsided ball of clay instantly reaches perfect centeredness. It's all magical. The excitement of waiting for your piece to come out of the kiln, and the overwhelming feeling of having to pick a glaze. I miss it all. Then the anticipation of waiting yet again for it to come out of the kiln, this time as a completely finished work of art. Then the immediately followed feelings of either disappointment or utter pride in what you've made. I miss the thrill of it.
Hopefully one day, I'll be able to experience that thrill again.
Until then, here's some beautiful pieces that I wish I was talented enough to create.

When Life Gives You Lemons...

Lately my life has been defined by lemons. I'm obsessed with them. For the one person who actually reads this blog (yes, YOU), I know that statement put a smile on your face.
So my sister has this gigantic lemon tree in her front yard, and on Sunday, we took home more lemons than I've ever had in my life. With all these lemons sitting in my kitchen, and me being bored out of my mind on spring break, I was inspired to discover just about every recipe or concoction using lemons. And that I did.
So far lemons have inspired me to make:
A teeth whitening paste (just lemons and baking soda..who knew?!?) ;)
Lemon sorbet
Lemon cookies (these ones.. www.crunchycreamysweet.com)
Lemon Blueberry Scones
A face cleansing remedy
and endless lemon water. Mmm so good on a hot day :)

Any other recipes I just must try before my bag of lemons runs empty? Please do share :)

End It.

I recently heard about the organization called Enditmovement. Today they are encouraging everyone to 'disappear' from any social media sites to represent how 27 million people in 161 countries have disappeared to human slavery, mainly sex trafficking and child labor. I personally deactivated my Facebook account for a day, a small way to remind myself tomorrow to pray for slavery to end. I encourage you all to "disappear" for a day. Take the day to remember and pray for those who don't have social connections such as Facebook or Twitter to make their cry for help known. Be their cry for help today.

 To learn more go to Enditmovement.com.

Overcome

Loving people who love you is pretty easy, right? It's nice to care for people who you know reciprocate those feelings. But what about loving people who hate you? It's an aspect of love we often skip over. It's hard, and quite frankly, not very fun, so we ignore it. Yeah, maybe we learn to live peacefully with those who hate us, simply as acquaintances, or ignoring them all together. Lately though, I've been realizing that is so far from what God wants from us. We all know the saying from the Bible, "love your enemies..." yada yada yada. We've heard it a thousand times, but are we obeying it? 
Romans 5:10 basically says that while we hated God, he died for us to reconcile us to God. We were his enemies, and he chose to love us. We're supposed to be like Christ in all we do. Who hates you that you need to choose to love? One of my favorite commands from the Bible is "if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good" (Romans 12:20-21). It is extremely hard to do, but in doing so, your own heart begins to change to be more like that of Christ. Give it a try. Love, deeply love those who hurt you. It will change you, and who knows, it might even change them. 

Demand it.

I am astonished lately at the lack of respect that guys/boys/men (whatever you want to call them) have for girls. I used to think it was all the fault of the guys; that they were just immature and had never learned how to treat a lady. But I'm starting to realize that maybe us girls are more at fault for it than we would like to think. It's a vicious cycle: they disrespect us, we let it happen and maybe even laugh it off, they think it's ok and then they continue to use and disrespect us. It will never, I repeat never stop, unless girls begin to learn to put their feet down and stand up for themselves. If I could talk to every girl in America, I would challenge them to do just that. Demand respect. And when you don't get it, move on. If more girls were willing to be ladies, more guys would feel challenged to be gentleman. Give it a try. It works.

Better Late Than Never

Are you ever just amazed at how something could have been right in front of you for so long, yet you just now took notice to it? Like a stain on your shirt you've been wearing all day. Or just now realizing during second semester that the caf has a constant supply of bagels. Or realizing that person who has only ever been a friend, might actually be something more. These realizations make us feel stupid and oblivious. How could we have not seen what was right before our eyes all along? And usually we come to these realizations a tad too late. The day is done; everyone has seen the stain. The year is almost over; so many days I could have eaten a bagel: passed. The boy is gone; a chance at love: lost. Is it worth changing your shirt now? Is it worth starting to eat bagels now? Is it worth loving that boy now?
I'd argue that yes, it is.

Cherish

Friends are an amazing thing. Cherish them. You never know how long you will have with them, so please, please, savor every moment.

High Hopes

Von Goethe said that "in all things it is better to hope than to despair." But what happens when hope leads to despair? Like when you just get your hopes up so high, allowing anyone to come along and crush them in mere seconds. It's kinda one of the worst feelings. I need to learn to keep my hopes low, maybe it would cause less disappointment. Sorry Von Goethe, but you might have missed the mark on that one.

Pray Pray Pray.

Are you ever just in awe at how God answers prayers? Because right now, I'm kinda blown away. I never used to think that prayer was that important, but I am constantly being reminded lately of just how much of a difference it can make. Thank you Jesus.

Little Reminders

Went to my first CBU sporting event tonight. A basketball game against APU: our rivals. We won, of course. But being there made me miss BFA basketball so much. They even had a little pep band like BFA! (not middle schoolers this time though). Haha but nothing will compare to those cold Friday nights in our little falcon gym. Will a time ever come where I can simply go through my day to day life without being painfully reminded of that place I love so much? The memories hit me in the gut, almost like that time when a basketball player from a base team team flew right into my lap as he tried to save a ball from going out of bounds. True story. Slightly awkward. Anyway, basketball is just one of those things that is so closely tied to BFA for me, especially after managing the girls team for two years, so being around it again tonight made me a little reminiscent of days gone by. I don't yet know if a day will ever come when things stop reminding me of BFA, and honestly, I think I'd be ok if it never did.

Tattoo

I've been thinking about getting a tattoo for a while now. Something to be a constant reminder of my roots in Germany, and the great times I had growing up there. A while ago I found this picture on Pinterest (where else?!?) and fell in love with the idea. Mine would have the map coordinates to my old home in Kandern. I know a tattoo is a big decision because of how permanent it is, but I don't think I would regret it one day because of the meaning behind it. I kept telling myself last semester that I would get it once I had a job and could afford it. Well now i have a job. Should I?? :)

Just decide

I am constantly being remind of how terrible I am at making decisions. Today, while trying to pick out shoes at the mall for my new job, I just became so overwhelmed by all the options. They were all hideous, and were all pretty much the same. Black, chunky, rubber-soled restaurant-style shoes. SO my style. But anyway, I was kinda shocked at how long I sat on the floor like a little 5 year old, trying on and re-trying on the same shoes over and over. If picking out a pair of work shoes practically makes me break out in a cold sweat, how am I ever going to be able to make important life decisions? I'm just a little concerned for myself at the moment. Maybe CBU should offer a class called decision making 101. I'd take it.

Smoothie

I'm trying to be healthy during my last few days at home, because I know the moment I go back to school, that all-you-can-eat cafeteria with those AMAZING chocolate chip cookies is going to be the death of me. I've been pretty good today...worked out in the gym and then came home and made myself a smoothie. Since my selection of ingredients at the moment is rather slim, I had to be creative, and I kinda just threw anything I could find into the blender. It actually turned out to be quite delicious. You should try it sometime :)
Grape juice
1 banana
cherry yogurt
Frozen strawberries
Lots of Frozen Blackberries

Enjoy!

Ellen

Ellen Degeneres. You ever seen her? Of course you have. She's awesome. Well today I saw a lot of her. Christmas break + being extremely bored = Watch EVERY SINGLE ELLEN VIDEO ever put on youtube. So that's what I spent my entire day doing. Waste of time??
NO.
Best decision ever.
Here's one of my all time favorites from her show. Never gets old.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Hf8uk7foSo

Wanelo

Today I discovered Wanelo.com.
oh no.
It's like Pinterest, but possibly even better. I haven't really used it yet, but I'm pretty sure everything you see on the site is actually for sale somewhere, which could be trouble for this ever-broke college student. As if Pinterest didn't already take up enough of my time...
Here's just a sampling of the things I can already envision myself purchasing. I'm going to need an extra dose of self-control.

How cute are these? How can you pass up an extra dose of glitter in you life??

Love this! This would be perfect for always-way-too-hot-Riverside. 

That looks like the most comfortable bean-bag chair I've ever seen. If only our dorm rooms were a bit bigger... :)

Tyler Knott Gregson

I found this blog through Pinterest (of course!) and it's just too good not to share. Even though I'm not really blogging for the point of a ton of other people reading this, for the few who actually do, I think you'll enjoy this guy.
www.tylerknott.com
Here's one of my favorites that I've found so far...

This is exactly how I feel right now. My dreams are consumed by people from my past. People who I no longer speak to, yet still love deeply. 

Unplanned Joys

It's a new year: 2013. Driving in the car the other day, my dad, the usual question-asker of the family, made us all go around and say what we will miss most about 2012. Our favorite memory, most treasured moment, or most unforgettable experience. Multiple occasions ran through my head. Was it traveling to Africa for a 3rd time on a missions trip with some of my best friends in the world? Or maybe the long-awaited trip to Barcelona that had taken months of planning by us 8. Who knew so many memories could be made in just 4 days? Or was it Graduation? The culmination of 12 years of hard work behind a desk, finally paying off. An exciting day, but too much sadness to be my favorite memory. In 2012 I experienced my first real job. I never expected playing with 4 year olds to be such hard work, but it was oh so rewarding. Looking back, I am so thankful to have had something to keep me occupied during what could have been a very long and hard summer. 2012 brought CBU into my life. Move in day was terrifying, but that place has come to feel like home, regardless of the hard times scattered throughout my time there so far. The past few months I've been able to start driving; a long awaited experience that living in Germany didn't let me have at the usual age of 16. And 2012 was the first year I really got to spend quality time with my nephew. He actually knows me now! I'm his auntie kk, someone that I wasn't really able to be to him with the Atlantic ocean between us. So with all those memories, and many more floating through my head, it's easy to see why answering my dad's question wasn't too hard. 2012 was a great year, and I have many memories to prove it.
Then he asked, "Ok, so then what are you looking forward to in 2013? I was silent. For quite a while. Nothing comes to mind when I think of 2013. I will finish out this semester and be done with my Freshman year of college, I will have a long summer of 4 months, where I hope to work at camp again with maybe another job on the side. Then I will resume life back at CBU in the fall, move into the apartments instead of the dorms and continue my education. None of that is particularly exciting to me at this point. I have no traveling planned, something that this international heart of mine will miss greatly. I have so many friendships scattered across America and I know 2013 will only separate us more as our lives get busier and we head in various directions. Not gonna lie, 2013 just seems like a crappy year.
But when I am tempted to be sad about what is now gone and what is to come, I have to remind myself that joy isn't always found in the big things. It's found in the spontaneous trips downtown at midnight with random people piled into cars too small to fit us all. It's found in long-talks with unexpected friends. It's found in a bike ride under the sun, helping to relieve the stress of those 4 papers you have to write. And as I look towards 2013, I can't predict those moments yet. But I have to trust that those moments will happen, despite the fact that none of them are written down on my calendar, unlike how many of the exciting moments of 2012 were. I'm excited for December 31, 2013, where I can look back on this year and say, wow it actually was a good year. I can't wait to experience the unplanned joys of 2013.